If I’m asked to describe how I’m feeling. If I’m asked to paint a picture of my emotions. If I’m asked to open my mind. And If I agree to do all these, and I open up.
You’d be amazed at the loads of emotions I feel. Or you’d be appalled by the lack of coherency in my feelings.
Empty.
That’s a word that holds a lot of meanings. I’ve loved so much that I don’t have any sense of loving in me again. I gave it all to her.
And in giving all I have, in totally submitting to the exhilarating love I have for her. I have lost it all. My heart, body, soul, mind, and emotions belong to her. But she has devoted herself to another.
Empty.
I’m just a human boy living life as it comes. Like an empty shell moving around and around on the sea. Like a coconut on the ocean, I exist. But my destination is unknown. My life is without direction. I just woke up to sleep again later. I sleep to wake up later.
Empty.
I lost myself trying to find myself. I found her when I was lost. Now, she’s gone. And I know for a fact. This pain will certainly last for a very long time. This feeling of emptiness will shroud me till eternity at the very least.
Tag: Horror
Categories
Tired Lover
Eyes heavy,
Limbs weary,
Like a car with the weight of a lorry,
So tired it’s scary.
I had a love,
I lost her.
Tiring!
I had a life,
That doesn’t revolve around women,
I lost it.
Eyes teary,
Heart shattered,
I’m tired.
To love, is to lose.
If I had to choose again,
I’d still choose her.
Categories
Life is a lie
Out here,
In the open,
Life goes on,
Roots intertwined,
And family trees blossom.
Outside among the vines,
The undergrowth impeding my movements.
I started from the bottom,
Now I’m here,
Still the bottom.
I tried to connect to a root,
I was labelled a parasite,
Hurt. Dejected.
I sprout from the ground,
I was thinned. An outcast.
The shadows lengthen,
The clouds darken,
The plot thickens,
The life became uncertain.
Nothing is comforting.
Life is a farce.
A mirage.
Before you know you’re alive.
The obituary is out.
Categories
Dark thoughts
At this moment,
I feel like cutting a major artery,
To allow the blood flow,
To drain all the blood from my body,
So my heart will not feel again.
So the hurt will stop,
And the pain, all the pain, will go away.
I want to jump from a cliff so high,
With hungry sharks lingering in the water below.
And as I plummet to certain end,
I reminisce on how it ended,
On how love brought me this end.
And as I hit the water in pieces
Never to feel again. In peace.
Dead guys don’t love again
One moment:
I was the king,
The sole winner of the melee
Or is it a duel?
But right now,
I just want to lie down;
And watch my life fade away.
I just want to die.
Die slowly,
Exit without a trace.
Nothing is worth it.
One moment:
I was the king,
The sole winner of the melee
Or is it a duel?
But right now,
I just want to lie down;
And watch my life fade away.
I just want to die.
Die slowly,
Exit without a trace.
Nothing is worth it.
Categories
Pain. And Again.
Pain is a word I understand,
Oxygen brings life,
But this pain, makes me feel alive.
Whenever I stand,
I can feel the force of my life,
Drain away, making it difficult to thrive.
Like the three-headed monsters of Hiroshima;
Or the enslaved humans in Myanmar;
The Uyghurs in China;
I have no power over my fate.
This pain and I,
Perfect unholy matrimony!
Categories
Loneliness.
There’s a kind of loneliness that follows a man:
The kind that makes him see chemistry,
In a woman with little or no physical attraction.
That makes him feel like a mollusc
Lying alone, empty, on the ocean floor.
There’s a kind of loneliness that follows a man:
The kind that makes him find solace,
In the arms of an armadillo.
That makes him hit the soccer ball grudgingly,
Under the empty eyes of San Siro.
There’s a kind of loneliness that follows a man:
The kind that makes him find peace in herbs and spirits,
Greens , inorganic concoctions and organic solutions,
The Holy Trinity!
There’s a kind of loneliness that follows a man:
The type that makes him want to be alone,
Forever alone.
Six feet underground,
Or forever swimming with the dolphins.
For eternity!
© Ridwan Akinkunmi Ajagbe
The level of ex(pectation) scattered by the previous abuser will only make one make an ex(ample) of the next person.
A victim wouldn’t be alone in the misery!
© Ridwan Akinkunmi Ajagbe
Categories
Closure
“Hello… good afternoon… Please who is on the line?” she asked over the phone.
“it’s Marwan” I replied.
“Oh… It’s been a long time. How may I help you?” she asked.
“My cousin is acting weird as he has overdosed on drugs. You’re the only medical personnel that I can think of. Please I need your help. It’s a matter of life and death, and taking him to the hospital will not end well.” I explained calmly but with urgency in my voice.
“You’re lucky I am not working today. Just for old times sake, I’ll be there in thirty minutes.” She said over the phone.
* * * *
“I am here” she called out loud as she reached my front door.
Effortlessly sliding behind the door, I asked her to let herself in. Without taking more than three seconds to admire her beauty and proportionate body, I smashed a hammer against her skull. Just hard enough to knock her out. A satisfying crunch confirmed that the hammer met with her cranium.
* * * *
“what’s wrong with you? Are you insane? What did I do wrong?” she unleashed questions upon questions when she regained consciousness.
“You promised to love me forever M,” I said coolly.
“Yes. I said so. But that was long ago. Why did you trick me here?” she asked another question.
“My best friend advised me to seek closure. She told me to be free from you in all its meaning. And that is exactly what I am doing” I explained sincerely.
Smiling broadly so she got a view of my dimples and diastema clearly (she always said I was handsome), I raised the hammer again. I heard another satisfying crunch as hammer met sternum. The force knocked the wind out of her, but I continued striking until there was nothing to hit again.
©Ridwan Akinkunmi Ajagbe
Sophocles Writes 